“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”George Bernard Shaw
You know your partner loves you.
He or she has said so.
Perhaps this morning before driving off to work.
Or last night, just before rolling over and falling asleep.
Or maybe your partner hasn’t said those magic words lately, but in your head, you know, ”We love each other.”
But wouldn’t it be wonderful to have that love you KNOW exists transformed into actions that warm your heart?
This is where “love boosters” come in…
What is a love booster?
A love booster is any action – big or small – that reminds your partner of your love for him/her.
It takes a thought of “Yes, my partner does love me…” and transforms it into a feeling of, “Oh wow. I really feel loved and appreciated.”
Because sometimes we may KNOW something is true, but actually feeling and experiencing it reaffirms and reinforces that belief.
A love booster for me is when my husband acknowledges and appreciates what is of high value and priority to me.
I absolutely love it when he turns to face me and really listens to me instead of having one eye on the computer screen or television.
Here are some tips on how to “boost the love” in your relationship:
- Tell your partner what your love boosters are
People often expect the person they’re in a relationship with to “already know” what their love boosters are.
However, it is important to spell it out to your partner.
Specify what it is they do or can do that boosts the love for you.
You could say something like, “Honey, I feel special and loved when you give me your undivided attention whenever I am speaking to you.”
- Acknowledge when your partner boosts your love
Whenever your partner does something to boost your love, show him or her that you see it and appreciate it.
Doing so will encourage your partner to replicate that act.
- Communicate your needs to your partner in a CARING way
We sometimes go through periods of feeling less confident and a bit more wobbly when we perceive that life is throwing us extra challenges.
During this time, you may require more attention from your partner.
But, of course, your partner may not necessarily know that, and so it becomes vital to communicate your needs in a CARING way.
Criticizing, attacking, or pointing the finger when communicating with your partner will likely result in him/her not meeting those needs.
Rather communicate a need to your partner from a place of vulnerability. And remember to give him/her suggestions as to how that need can be met.
For example, when communicating a need to my husband, I would say, “My love, I need to sit with you and feel that I am in a safe, warm space. What that means is I would love for you to give me your undivided attention so that we can sit together for at least 15 to 20 minutes.”
- Be open about your needs around intimacy
Intimacy is a wonderful way to boost love in a relationship.
In most relationships, however, there is always one partner who wants it more than the other (At times, this will shift, and the partner who wanted it less, now wants it more.)
When partners feel that those needs around intimacy are unfulfilled, they tend to withdraw from each other, feeling angry and resentful.
This is why it is wise for partners to create an open, comfortable space to speak about their intimate needs.
Questions such as, “When am I most attractive to you?”, “What would you like me to do?” and “How can I serve you in this area?” can help in understanding your partner’s intimate needs and vice versa.
- Know how to boost your own love
To be able to give love, you need to be able to know how to love yourself.
How do you show love and care to yourself? How do you fill your own cup?
I boost my own love by indulging in Saturday-night binge sessions on Netflix. I don’t judge it. I don’t feel bad about it.
Because I know that when you boost your own love, it becomes easier to do it for your partner.
Want to know more about “boosting” love in your relationship?
Click here to watch Paul Nyamuda (my co-presenter on Saving Our Marriage) and I discuss all you need to know about love boosters:
II am here to help you. Whether it is with a relationship, a personal struggle, a parenting challenge, or a stuckness in general. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or just WhatsApp me, and we can set up a discovery call to chat about options for you.
From my heart to yours,